Rubber arms….HUH….Good God Y’all! What are they good for?!?

And the answer for the rubber arms question is……

ALL KINDS OF COOL SHIT!

I think that one of my favorite parts of blogging, is where the inspiration comes from!!!

Early this morning I tried to roll over in bed, only to discover that sometime during the night my right arm had lost all of its blood and become deader than dead.

Dead rubber arms are such a gross feeling!

I couldn’t feel it so I couldn’t figure out where it was and when I found it pinned under my body, I couldn’t move it which meant I needed to move the rest of me which is always a little scary when you’re in a daze. That fear of really hurting myself without realizing it is always there lurking a bit.

There is that….and then there is the REAL fear of punching myself in the face with a deadweight limp hand. I’ve done that before.

IT SUCKS! I actually split my lip once. I’d tried to set my arm up to get the blood running around in there again and it tipped over and busted me in the lip & nose.

Back to Blog Ideas.

So my original idea was to post about that, because its funny and scary all at once.

Like this only gory and sticking up!

But that all changed when I was looking for images of rubber arms (found some good ones) and I came across this site:

 

http://www.dappercadaver.com/

I didn’t even know they had this shit! I should have known. Because rubber arms are cool!

I’m not affiliated with these guys, but I can tell you that I will definitely be purchasing my grave arm from them!

What is a ‘grave arm’ you ask?

Well I’m so glad you did or maybe you didn’t, but I’m going to tell you anyway.

A ‘grave arm’ is my way of still having some demented fun long after I’m gone!

Each October 1st some lucky basta……..um….family member will be tasked with placing one or two (their choice) gory, rubber arms on my grave so that it looks like I’m tryin’ to bust outta there!

I’ll probably have to buy a life time supply (pun completely intended), as I figure it’s really going to offend some people and they’ll take them, but here’s the thing….

We all die and I for one don’t want my family or my friends moping around when I go!

No sad, blah, depressing, boring funerals allowed! HAVE A PARTY! Don’t mourn my passing please. Celebrate my life!

Every time I attend a funeral, all of the little kids tend to wander off and explore. It’s a bit wide open space. They run and play! So many of the adults get uptight.

“Be reverent”

I cannot tell you how many times I hear little kids told to “be reverent” at a cemetery.

But I think, if I were dead and if there were a part of my spirit lingering around…I would MUCH rather have little kids running all around. I would MUCH rather hear laughter and play.

If you’re telling kids to be reverent when you visit a cemetery,  do it because you’re concerned about disruption of the services – makes sense – or after services, that there might be some accidental vandalism that would upset the families of the deceased….but don’t worry about disturbing the deceased….unless you’re worried about that one crotchety old dude that died is going to be like “HEY YOU KIDS!!! GET OFF MY LAWN!!! come back and haunt your ass.

Then you should worry.

bwaaaaaaahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. if you visit my grave and I hear you telling a child to be reverent….I will haunt your ass.

….and that is how it rolls in my head. Certifiable? Possibly!

Have a great…FUN! and Irreverent day.

XOXOXO

Les

 

 

…and there was this teeny weeny baby spider crawling down my nose…..

…and there was this teeny weeny baby spider crawling down my nose…..

…so I smashed it. The end! ”

That was the first conversation I had this morning. Well, The 7 year old was telling me about this. I was blearily trying to comprehend.

Yeah, first convo, no coffee…yet.

Sometimes it’s almost like you’re still dreaming when that happens. But I know I wasn’t. My  dreams were interrupted hours ago by arguing children…in my bed no less. But that’s okay and I’ll explain why in a sec.

A Frozen Field trip to the dump to find toothbrushes

This all started last evening. Although D had to head in to work at midnight (quarterly inventory – ick) we thought it would be fun to surprise the girls with a movie and dinner. So I bought 4 tickets to Frozen,  (super duper cute BTW. I would totally buy it) told the kids we were taking a field trip to the dump to find toothbrushes and off we went to the 3:10 matinee.

Don’t worry, they only sort of believed us about going to the dump to find toothbrushes. Well, at first, until The Blond One figured out that it was code for “it’s a surprise so stop asking.” Actually though, because D and I are the kind of people that like to tease our children, and each other, and our friends…..and perfect strangers, we decided that some time we’re going to tell them we ‘re going to dinner and a movie…

…and then take them to the dump :) I’ll let you know when that happens & how it goes.

So, after we got home, and ate copious amounts of ice cream, Dylan went down to bed and the girls and I decided to continue our Princess movie marathon deep into the night. So deep into the night, in fact that Dylan got up, had coffee and went to work before we gals even went to bed.  I think we watched everything on Netflix!

But, THAT is how the girls ended up in my bed.  Once we’d passed the midnight mark, I had no interest in tucking in, telling stories, tickling backs and singing songs. After 9:00 I turn into a damn pumpkin and all bets are off. So to soften the blow, I suggested they crawl in with me. It was well accepted and down to the Cave (the basement IS the master bedroom) we headed.

A Thief and a Thug.

As you may well know kids in the bed are not without challenges. We’re not co-sleepers. We’re just too lazy to deal with sending our kids back to their own beds if they’ve had a nightmare or something. Thank God that very often, they just needed a hug and some reassurance and prefer to go back to their own room. They blame the discomfort of our bed on us. But it’s not us. ITS THEM! I mean it’s a massive king sized bed for hell sakes! Everyone should fit comfortably. It’s why we bought it. But we don’t and here’s why:

We have a thief….and a thug. In other words, it never fails….you just start to get comfy, let your guard down and doze off….and….

WHAM!

You get blasted in the nose or lip by the blond one’s fist.

Sometimes you get lucky and it’s an open back hand, which stings, but doesn’t connect quite as solidly as a fist.

Sometimes, the thug will miss, but the Thief….she’ll get you every time.

You see, The Little Brown One….is a heater. It can be -0 degrees in this joint and she’ll be sleeping with one small blanket. Her baby blanket which is 3 sizes too small considering she’s now almost 9. It was cute when she was little. The blanket kicking. It really was. She was a tiny little peanut and as all tiny peanuts do, her head was usually scooched waaaaaayy up into the head board so when she kicked the covers off, they only really went down to your shoulders or maybe as far as an elbow.

But now! Now, when she steals the covers (kicks them off) you freeze your shoulders, elbows, ass and  knees off.

Both the Blond and the Brown one will steal your space. They snuggle up, heat WAYY up and you scooch away. They find you, snuggle up again, heat Waaaay up and you scooch away. It continues this way until you’re hanging off the edge of the bed, contemplating whether or not it’s worth it to grab your pillow (if you can get it back) and go sleep in their bed. Or on the couch. Or anywhere else!!!

The argument in the morning

But this morning was different. You see, normally, if I had woken up because of kids arguing – in my bed no less – The Queen Bitch Dragon Mother of the Universe would have risen up from the covers, hovered a foot over the bed, breathed fire and incinerated every living thing within a 15 foot radius.

But the difference is…I SLEPT GREAT!

I had plenty of space. Plenty of covers. Plenty of my own pillow. I stayed warm all night and had a few annoying dreams, but mostly I had really cool adventure dreams no doubt brought on by the non-stop princess action adventure movies.

But the Thief and the Thug….had apparently inflicted their talents upon each other all night…on D’s side of the bed and about 9 a.m. finally started telling each other all about it.

Well rested as I was, I slipped out of bed unnoticed, had a pee and when I came out they’d moved into opposing corners and had fallen back asleep – just long enough for me to head up to the kitchen and get the brown elixir of life brewing.

At which point the Thug (Blond one) came up stairs and told me all about how she’d woken up with a teeny weeny baby spider crawling down her nose.

And you know the rest.

baby spider

 

 

 

 

7 months all at once. Hey that Rhymes! Oh yeah, and some homeschool stuff.

Okay, so I’ve been going back through this lovely blog of mine and realized that the last time I posted….I didn’t even post!

It was way, waY, wAY, WAY back on May 8!!!

So, I’m gonna catch up here in about 2 seconds…

We ran the Tough Mudder in June 2013 and it freakin’ ROCKED!!!

Tough Mudder

Tough Mudder

Orange Headbands mean we FINISHED!!! And only had a few electric shocks!

And then a bunch of other stuff happened……that I mentioned in the previous post…I know….total rip off. Sorry about that, but I’m sure more and more will come out….I type like I talk, no filter.

……and we’re doing another one in September. In fact, I’m planning to run a Spartan in June 2014 as well.  I’ll have more about all of that in a later post.

Okay, so the other big honkin’ thing we did this year, was homeschooling.

I think somewhere back in the archives here, I posted about starting virtual school, or wanting to, or something like that. We did start with it, but in the end just decided that we can’t hang with the core curriculum. I’m sure I could spray about that for hours, but I’ll spare you all the soap box right now. Temporarily. Because at some point the dam will burst and I will sear off your retinas and make you reconsider the wisdom of following my blog.

In the meantime, we’ve been homeschooling since October and it has been quite the shit show. I’m either doing a great job, or a really bad job. I’m not sure which one yet. And the kids…well they don’t exactly get it yet either.

For some reason, 7 & 8 year old brains who have been brick and mortar public schooled since preschool, can’t quite grasp that we no longer have “school”. We just have days, and math and reading and handwriting are a part of that. Since they make such a damn fuss over that, I don’t tell them that when they go off on their own to read about bugs and then write about that in their journals, they’ve not only just done a crap load of reading….but they’ve also done a crap load of thinking, writing, and OMG….LEARNING!!! I also don’t tell them that trips to the Zoo, museums, gymnastics, Irish Dancing….etc…. is learning. They think they’re getting away with something.

Zoe told me on Christmas that she might not be able to do homeschool for a while because she was going to be busy for 2 weeks or a month. So I told her I’d make her a deal, if Monday – Friday she will do her math, and handwriting and reading, then she can have the rest of each day to play with her Christmas toys. She thinks that’s a pretty good deal.

What did they get for Christmas?

Microscopes, books, sewing machines, remote control toys, legos, puzzles, art sets, journals…..the list goes on….Shhhhh….don’t tell them that everything they got they will LEARN from. They think they’re Playing. ;)

I think my favorite part about   is that the kids really do have a TON of time on their hands to explore the things they love best.

 

 

 

Hidely Ho Neighbor! What the fuck is up with your hair?

Well, Hidely fuckin’ ho neighbor! It’s been a while.

I’ve been off doing this and that but I always wander back to my Snowfly7 roots where I am most happy :) .

Good ‘ol Snowfly7, a full on by myself, bullshit free zone. It’s fabulous here and I can let my inner crack head (figuratively, not literally) self run free.

A LOT has changed in the past year, been cruising along with Empower, Launched my dream career as a life coach, which, if you’re reading this, you might be thinking “I am NEVER calling her. EVER”. And that would be okay, because I know and you know that what works for one may not work for another. I have a part in a film – seriously, no kidding I really do – we moved, I kicked lupus’s ass……..and I put dready dread locks in my hair. I look like this now :

dread locks

So that’s what’s been up over here. I’ve missed you!

Les

 

 

Summer, home school and getting organized (Rated S)

Okay, so organization is NOT my strong suit. Never has been.Screen Shot 2013-04-01 at 9.32.11 AM

But here’s what I discovered this past week…..

I need to get myself that way QUICK like a bunny.

Because this morning I was all too relieved to get the kids on to the bus. This is a common theme among parents right after spring break. We get really excited that our kids have a week off and by the end of the week, we’re about ready to tear our hair out! I’ve never been very good at being consistent so we have to do constant reprogramming.

I realize I bring this upon myself.

But summer is fast approaching and not only that, but (and we’ll know tomorrow) we’ve applied our girls to a virtual academy for next year (similar to home school) so June 6th 2013, may very well be there last day of public, brick and mortar schooling and that means….

I need to get my shit together RIGHT NOW!  We need a chore chart. We need a schedule. We need organization and we need it right now!!!

It’s time to do what I should have done all along!!! Batten down the hatches, hoist the sales and start runnin’ a tight ship!

And somebody needs to clean up this damn house!

So, my goals for today are to re-instate the almighty chore chart. Which has worked very well in the past, but fell away as the little tags kept getting knocked on the floor for Fat Dog to eat. (Fat Dog is our 11 year old lab who eats anything and everything, including, but not limited to underwear, chore tags and pork chops).

Also on my To do list for this beautiful April Foo—uh, April First:

Short sheet the kids beds & Dylan’s side of the bed.

Put all of Zoe’s animals on Sophie’s bed & all of Sophie’s on Zoe’s.

And think up some other good ones as the day goes on.

Right! Okay. Time to go git ‘er did!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

F*ck Lupus – Rated F ;)

I’m feelin’ real spicy this morning!!!

I’m on a FUCK LUPUS rampage.

Tough Mudder training is on like mother fucking Donkey Kong today! P90X, P90X, P90X. AND I’ve joined a couple of friends who run marathons so that I can get my butt into shape to bust out the 12 miles required  by this badassery right here:

 

This is important as hell to me. When you have lupus, it’s start & stop & start & stop. But I’m getting on top of this thing!

I’ve given myself this goal: June 15 Tough Mudder. In July I’m running a half marathon. In September, my family and I are doing a Dirty Dash, and I will continue to challenge and push myself.

Look, having an illness like Lupus or any other autoimmune disorder, or cancer, or whatever doesn’t mean you have to lay down and die. Or wallow around in depression. Yeah, it means you need to make adjustments, but it doesn’t mean your life is over while you’re still living. As long as your heart is beating and your brain is sharp (and there are things you can do to keep it that way), you stand up and you say FUCK THIS!!! I WILL NOT LAY DOWN AND DIE!!  THIS WILL NOT DEFEAT ME!!! I AM IN CHARGE HERE AND I CHOOSE TO LIVE!

My creator did not give me this beautiful gift of life so that I can piss it away and he did not give me my beautiful children or bring anyone else into my life so that I can make excuses and point fingers and show them how to piss it away.

I am here for a reason. I have a purpose. We all do! And I am here to help as many people as possible live this beautiful life to the absolute fullest.

When you feel good you get out there and you grab life by the horns and you go for it dammit!!! Don’t wait for anyone else. If you get out there and today’s not the day, well you went for it and that’s what matters. And you make sure you keep on going for it!

You get yourself around the people that are going to support you, and lift you up, and challenge you. You get around the people with the same goals as you!!!

I watch that Tough Mudder video Every. Single. Day.  I listen positive mindset audios Every. Single. Day.Find your passion. Find your purpose. Find your voice!!!

Do what ever it takes.

Do what get’s you pumped!!! It doesn’t have to be what I do. Do your own thing. It’s YOUR LIFE!

And I don’t care if my team has to drag my ass across that finish line. On June 15 2013, WE WILL FINISH TOUGH MUDDER.

Fuck lupus!

Fuck the “cant’s & “shouldnt’s” & Fuck  “coping”.

And fuck chemo drugs for pain management. I don’t have to pollute my body with drugs that will ruin my liver and kill me quicker just so I can live pain free. I’ve managed my pain with my diet better than any of those drugs ever did.

I did it & I’ve proven it can be done.

That is all.

If you agree. If you like this post…. please like and share! Hell, write your own! Leave a comment! How do you get your game on? How do you lift yourself  and others up? I want to hear it! Let’s do this thing!!!

So much love, and happiness and a spicy NEVER SAY DIE attitude to you all!

lupus

LOVE,

Leslie

Make no apologies – Rated S

Good morning everyone!

I’d like to start the morning out by saying that the Spamholes have been really boring lately.

I haven’t logged into SF7 in over a week and there was only 1 comment and they didn’t even TRY!!

Total F for Failure to impress. 

 

Next, I would like to say that, as I look back through some of the posts on this here blog o’ mine….I’m a very confused individual

 

…actually I’m not, at least not anymore. But it seems to me that since I started blogging, I’ve gone through this whole, “growing up” phase of my life

from confused, waffling back and forth between certain and uncertain, to CERTAIN.

 

Not that I know every damn thing. That is for certain….but  I’ve definitely….well, grown up.

I have gone from saying and doing the things that I thought people expected of me, to lashing out whenever I knew in my heart that I wasn’t being true to myself….to just knowing who I am and what I stand for and making no apologies for that.

And you know…when you get to that place in your life:

it’s liberating as hell!!! 

I wish it for everybody.

 

The key liberators:

It’s okay not to have all of the answers. Admit it and know that it’s great to be a lifelong learner.

Have zero regrets. If you’ve done something you feel bad about. Apologize if you need to and move on! Learn from it. Don’t do it again. But wallowing in it will only drag you down. No wallowing allowed!!!

Stop holding out for universal popularity…it’s never going to come. Not everyone is going to like you and if you spend all of your time trying to make that happen, you’re going to make yourself nuts!  There are some people who like this blog and there are some people who don’t! I can’t help that. I just know that the people who don’t like it, don’t have to read it.  I make zero apologies for the content of this or any other one of my blogs…and there are many…(insert evil, shitheaded laugh here).

 

Okay! Well, those are my words of wisdom today. Aren’t you glad you showed up?

 

Oh, and since today is the first day of Spring Break…I totally forgot until dinner time on Friday so I made no plans and I’m totally winging it this week (if you’re looking for Super-SAHM / WAHM advice from me..you’re barkin’ up the wrong tree – umm…actually, you can use me as an example of what NOT to do because if it wasn’t for other, more on the ball, parent bloggers, I would be lost. LOST I TELL YOU!) , and since Dylan does NOT need to go into the store today, (halle-freakin-lujah!) We’re taking our kids to the zoo. In snow clothes. Because it’s cold. Really cold.

 

Have a super amazing day! Good luck if you have kiddos on spring break.

XOXOX

Les

 

 

 

Of butt divots and goose eggs

Oh, my sweet, sweet Zoe.

That poor child has the curse of being exactly like me.

I had the curse/blessing of being exactly like my mom…

and you know what that means.

We either get along great and have whole entire conversations about the people around us with our eyes…or we can’t be in the same room together for 30 seconds without blowing up.

bond

 

Well this weekend we had  different kind of bonding time…it was sort of awful…but still somehow brought us closer.

So, Friday evening Zoe was up on the counter helping me make brownies (and for those of you going “hey nice paleo diet faker!!!”  I would just like to say that I only ate one spoonfull of mix so thhhhhhhhhppppppppppppp! – It was for the kids!)  Anyway…..just as she scooted off of the counter, I opened up the drawer just below her and her poor little butt cheek landed right on the corner of the drawer.

Poor kid!!! It was hard enough to rub the paint off of the drawer, rip her pants and take a divot out of her butt cheek. :(

I don’t know….I’m full of bonehead maneuvers this weekend. I mean it was just one of those things where, if I had really been paying attention, I would have noticed that she was setting herself up to get down.

She screamed. We both cried. I felt terrible and helped her find some softy pants that didn’t rub her poor damaged little cheek.

Well, it get’s better….so Saturday Zoe and I were once again in the kitchen and this time we were getting things out to make dinner. I was in the fridge rummaging around and right as I stood up, she opened the freezer door and BAM!!!

I nailed my forehead on the edge of the freezer door.

Bloody hell!!! I haven’t had a knot on my head in years! But I have one now and it hurts like a mutha!

You will be amazed!  I didn’t even cuss. Well unless

“Gah—–FFFFFFFffffllliippen——-sunofa———–ohhhhh BLOODY HELL THAT HURT!”  is cussing.

Well I know in Europe “Bloody” is cussing. But Not in the U.S. right? And like the mother of the year that I am, I was sure to tell her not to say “bloody” at school. So I’m covered right?

So that is how we tightened our bonds this weekend. I think next weekend we’ll find a better way.

 

New Underpants – Rated S

So The girls each got a couple of new packs of underpants yesterday. Which is AWESOME ’cause they needed them.

I have no idea where little kids underpants continually disappear to….okay that’s a lie, I know exactly where they disappear to…but it’s too disgusting to mention.

Okay, I’ll mention it: She weighs 82 lbs, black fur, white feet, has big brown eyes and eats every disgusting thing under the sun….that’s right…it’s the underpants snarfing Labrador.

So, anyway, back to the new underpants, since I’ve already cleaned the old underpants up in those awesome little green baggies, you know the kind you wear like a glove so you can have just slightly more dignity than picking it up with your bare hands, when the neighbors watch you bend down and pick up shit (well orange and white striped shit because it’s mostly underpants).

Soooooooo….anyhoo…..Since they realized they now have a drawer full of fully sanitized, clean and awesome underpants…my kids have worn nothing but a T-shirt and….UNDERPANTS.

That’s it.

Nothing else.

T-shirt and underpants.

I was even informed, by a little blond child with attitude (hard to do when your sleepy head looks like ALL of the spiders have nested in your hair and you’re sporting little green froggies on your butt cheeks, but she pulled it off) that since there is no school today, they both plan on hanging out all day in their T-shirts and underpants. LOL!!!underpants

 

It reminded me of when I was a kid…in a galaxy far, far away and Underoos were invented.

Do they even still have Underoos? I have no idea, all I know is that the 1970′s – 80′s transition was an awesome time to be a kid!!!

Nothing screams POWER like Wonder Woman underoos under your Good Times T-shirt and brown cords.

Screen shot 2013-03-08 at 8.07.28 AM

What do you want and have you given yourself permission to have it?

Hey Crew!

I wrote blog the other day for Climb Into Power and while I feel passionate about all of my work…this one is really personal and really near and dear to me so I just wanted to leave you a quick link and I’d really love your comments too.

The blog post is called: Give yourself Permission To Want

….and I really hope that you do.

 

XOXOXO,

Leslie